ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
