I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
soo... how was my night?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
