so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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