i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
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Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
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They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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