I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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