Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
