i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
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I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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