Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
