take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
