I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
