Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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