Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
