My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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