if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
