hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
