omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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