I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Semen is not good for contacts.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
