It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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