He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
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The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
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You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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