Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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