i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
