He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
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the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
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I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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