Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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