Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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