You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
