i don't like sucking hair
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
