Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
