so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
