if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
im six kinds of drunk right now
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
