ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
