I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
