OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
