If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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