You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
