In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
