Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
