I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Let's get the cat blown out
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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