dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
