Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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