you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I wear drunk well.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
