CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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