you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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