the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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