im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
