Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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