she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
