hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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