Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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