Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
