We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
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I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
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There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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