I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize