Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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