i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My bed smells like the plague
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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