So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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