idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
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I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
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you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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