You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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