pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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