my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I want to make a zoo with you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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