you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
