did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize