And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
