I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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